December 2010

Ok I know I have not been good with updating this, but I will be much better in 2011!!

As of December 13, 2010 I have lost a total of 119 pounds! It amazes me that in less than 5 months I have lost as much as the average teenager weighs!! I am feeling great and things are working out just as I hoped. Halloween and Thansgiving were a little rough, but I made it through and still losing. It hard being around parties and food, but I know when enough is enough for me, and I do my best.

As for clothes...On my last post, I mentioned about buying jeans that were 4 sizes smaller. Now they are 5 sizes smaller!! I am wearing the same size I wore in high school, I think. That is a long time ago, and hard to remember. Also had another clothing moment that brought me to tears. As Dan and I are walking through the mall, I decided to try something on at Aeropostale (no idea if that is spelled right). As a bigger girl, the mall was never even a thought. I hardly went there becuase there was no point. Well we were at the mall, for no reason I think. As walking through I saw a sale sign and thought how nice would it be to shop here. I told Dan that soon I would be able to shop there and he told me to go try something on. I quickly denied and kept walking. The great husband he is, he said no, just try it on and then you will know where you stand on the sizes. I agreed, but did not want to do it. I have this fear that if I try on a smaller size and it does not fit, then I will be sad and feel like I felt as I did before when shopping. I went into the store and looked around, very weird feeling that was. I tried on a shirt and it fit!!! OMG it fit!!! I had to buy it!! It was a moment for me. I often do not see the changes everyone else sees, but that was a moment where I knew I had changed myself for the better. It was a moment that I got to share with Dan, and his support makes it all worth it. I would have never tried on the shirt without him believing in me. He is the bestest! :) Below is me in the first shirt I have bought in a mall since before high school!!! Love it!!

Dan and I just recently went to Disneyland, since I won a free trip off the radio. It was amazing! Being able to walk around and breath was the first noticable thing! Being overweight affects everything you do. Walking at times was just a task, not anymore!! We walked around those parks like they were nothing. I could stand in lines, and my swelling in my legs never got too bad. This was shocking to me! Another thing was that I never once thought I might not fit in a ride. Last time we went to Disneyland in 2007, that was always a thought. I was always afraid I would not fit in something and that would be so embarassing! I never wanted to have to go through that. This time that thought NEVER came into my head! I was feeling great!!

September 2007

December 2010

I found pictures of from when Dan and I just met, and I just wanted to see the comparison from years ago! I just thought it would be something fun and different.

I weight and measure at Curves on the December 28th. I will then be posting the new weight and measurements with the comparison pictures from before surgery! Im excited to see the results from that!!!

YAY ME!

100 POUNDS LOST!!!! YAY ME!

Since my surgery on August 2, 2010, I have lost a total of 100.2 pounds!! This is so exciting! I am doing this and its working they way it should :)

So about a month ago I started going to Curves as my workout program. I love that place! Its a quick 30 min in and out process. My oh my does it kick my booty everytime. I had a few rough weeks where I made bad decisions and choose to sit at home, then I realize I did not go through all this for nothing. I then got my butt up and went to work out. I hate it at the time, but afterwards I do feel better. The nice thing about Curves is they weight and measure every month. I would have loved to have the measurment before the surgery, but I have lost a lot in just the last month since I started working out. The results are in and since starting Curves on September 5, 2010 I have lost:

Bust: -2.5 inches.....Waist: -4.25 inches.....Abdomen: -2.25 inches.....Hips: -3.25 inches.....Thighs: -3.0 inches.....Arms: -1.5 inches.....Weight: -25.2 pounds

Ok I am not one to preach about working out, but man does it work. It is the last thing I want to do, but when I see numbers like this, it is atleast encouraging.

Other good news...I went shopping with my mom and Dan!! This is something that I have been dreading and very nervous about. People lose weight and are excited to fit smaller clothes, for some reason thats not me. All my weight is coming off, but at the same time its shifting to different areas. This is frustrating. I can already see extra skin hanging some places, and I am not a fan of this flab! Being healthier is worth it, but clothes just are different now. Besides me just being freaked out, I went anyways and tried on jeans. Anyone who knows me, knows that gauchos are my favorite thing. They are comfy and what I thought was decently flattering for a bigger person. Dan has hated these since the day we met. I promised him that I would get rid of them after the surgery. I never liked to wear jeans, they werent comfy and I felt fat. Wearing such a big size got depressing! Oncy my "fat" jeans didn't fit, I refused to go up a size!! REFUSED! Anyone who has gained weight understands. So to gauchos and yoga pants I went. They were comfortable and they stretched! This was great. The point to my blabber is that I went and tried on jeans. My "fat" jeans are now way to big to attempt to wear, which I must say is a awesome feeling. So when walking into the fitting rooms, I took 2 sizes smaller...still too big! EXCITING!! So what I ended up fitting was 4 SIZES SMALLER!!! Jeans that were 4 sizes smaller!! OMG I was in shock! I wanted to jump around like a 5 year old on Christmas morning! It was awesome! Now I can not wait for the day I can buy anything I like from any store, and it will fit!! I know some people can not relate to that, but I have been overweight for a long time, and shopping was NEVER a fun thing to do. Now I have some hope that I will someday like shopping and trying on clothes. Hopefully soon :)


This is a huge milestone reached on my list (I will post the list soon possibly). I am proud of myself and wanted to share!

Update...better late than never :)

Ok I know I am a little late,and I am sorry, but here it is!

I am going great! I feel so much better than I have in a long long time. I still am not seeing exactly what others are seeing, but I know that I will get there eventually. I am learning more and more about myself and my old habits everyday. It is just sad that I had to do something so drastic to see what harm I was doing to my body everyday!!

Now lets get to the numbers since that's what everyone wants to know :) Since the preop diet (2 weeks before surgery) I have lost 88 pounds!! AMAZING!!! I get so proud of myself when I see the weight go down and down. Ok, so since surgery on August 2, 2010 I have lost 53 pounds!! 53 pounds in less than 3 months amazes me! I know there is a difference in myself, but the mentality is the same..I still see myself as a fat girl, and that will take time to overcome. I know its going to be a long long journey, and I'm ready for the ride.

On to the new me and eating. Food no longer even tastes good. I have no cravings and usually I do not even get hungry. This is weird!! :) When I am trying to think of what to eat, noting sounds good. Very weird, I guess my tastes are changing. I usually stick to my protein and a very small salad or something. The pain had gone away when eating which is nice, but I still eat a little too fast. I work on this everyday, but its hard. I also now find myself paying attention to how other people eat. Wow a lot of people eat fast..yes mom I am talking about you too :)! I also never knew what real portions were until now. I used to eat so much!!! Now people look at me weird when I take a few bites and I'm full, but of well! I do not over eat much, getting sick is no fun. I also learned that cheating (only if it is one bite) is not worth it. The guilt will eat you alive! :) ha ha.

Here are the pics I know some people have been waiting for a while and I am sorry!! Better late than never :)

I know that people had said to wear the same outfit would be nice to see how the way my clothes fit change, but the shift was incredibly huge!! I have gotten to go shopping and got shirts that were 2 sizes smaller! That was exciting! I am also able to fit into my jeans that were too small and they didn't fit anymore, so I refused to buy a larger size. This is when I learned to LOVE gauchos (which my husband hates) and yoga pants! Now those jeans are big!! I can still wear them, but they are getting to be a little too big. Hopefully I will get to go down a size or two in the near future! That would make my day!! I never liked shopping as a bigger person because there is not options and style like the smaller people have. I am excited to be able to shop anywhere...when that day comes I will be on cloud nine :) Also the date on the pictures are wrong obviously its not 2007 :)

I have had a lot of changes in my life in the past few months, but I am learning more and more about myself and who I am becoming everyday, I love it!

1 Month Post-op!

I know this is a few days late and I am sorry...

Well I am officially 1 month on my way to a healthier me! I know everyone is waiting for the number and the pictures so I will make this short and sweet. The weight loss is as follows: since surgery I have lost 47 pounds and since the pre-op diet I have lost 83 pounds!! This is so exciting! I feel I am on the right track. I have rough days but overall things are great! I am still not seeing the differences in myself that others see, but I know I will eventually. Here are the pictures....I even changed to make sure I was in my black gauchos and a pink shirt like people requested :)

I hope this is what everyone has been waiting for :) Everything is moving downwards and its weird. Things are saggier (is that a word), so I think that is why I do not notice a huge difference...I will be trying to update more often about things in my life.... :)

Nephrologist visit....

Yesterday afternoon I had my first nephrologist (kidney dr) appointment since the surgery. I went in and I was honest with him. I told him I was not taking my medicine like I should have, but I then explained why. It is hard to crush and open 19 different medications and mix them with 2 ounces of food. This was gross and made me feel so sick. I was honest, terrified that he would get upset with me, but I was not going to lie. He said he understood, and said we would talk about the medications I was on. We talked about everything, and the results were awesome!!! Also my kidney function was better and my labs all looked pretty good.

I now only have to take 3 medications!!!!! I have to take my 2 immunosupressants and 1 blood pressure med!! Also on both immunosupressants he lowered the doses. I am so excited! I went from 19 medications to 3, and this is only in 3 weeks. I have to take the immunosupressants to keep my protein down, and obviously the blood pressure medication to maintain my blood pressure. He was impressed with my weight loss and glad that everything went well with the surgery!

Well this made all the rough times totally worth it!!!

Quick Update...

Things are going good so far. I am almost moved up to regular foods (Friday 8/27/10)! That will be a exciting day! I will actually be able to cut food and chew it. This surgery has taught me so much so far and I'm sure a lot more to come. I am feeling good. I don't really see a difference, but everyone seems to so that feels good. I will be taking pictures on 9/2/10 since that is the 1 month mark. I will post them with the pre-surgery pictures like I did last time. I know I am losing, my clothes are bigger, some of the ones I never fit now fit again. That is a good feeling. I am ready to buy smaller clothes!!

The next few weeks will be busy for me. Actually eating food is scary. I need to make sure I watch my portions and I am eating healthy foods. I will also be starting my new RN job, so that is very exciting. I will be moving constantly at work and for once I will be able to breath and actually do my job with no difficulty! I am sooo looking forward to that. I go see my kidney doctor this week, so I am hoping to get off some medications and hope my kidneys are handeling all this stress well!!

I will update nest week with the kidney info and pictures along with the new weight loss number!!!

mixed emotions...

I am full of mixed emotions right now...The last month of my life has been exciting and defiantly a learning process. I just wanted to write down some thoughts...

Excited...I have lost weight! That's the whole point of this. From the pre-op diet (started July 18th) I have lost a total of 59 pounds. That is a ton and I am excited about that! Hopefully this continues and the number keeps going down. Disappointed...I don't see a difference in my weight. I know other people tell me they see a difference, but I don't. Some say my face, neck and shoulders look thinner, but I just don't see that. I want my clothes to be too big and shop for new smaller sizes. This is frustrating, but I know I just need to be patient and this will all come with time (hopefully). Its only been 2 weeks since surgery, but I see the weight go down I want the sizes to go down too. Bored...So I have realized how much I ate just because I was bored. At work this is miserable. I just want to grab some chips or something and eat it. Anything just to fill the boredom. This is why I got this way. I don't think I ever would have realized that I was "one of those" people who just ate to pass time. Loved and Supported...All I have to say is that Dan has been the most supportive husband ever! Along with all the support from my family and friends, I know I will not fail (but the thought is still there in my mind). Dan supports me 150% and then some. If I drink water so does he, if I eat a Popsicle so does he. There is a lot he could do that would make it harder on me, but he is so supportive. I am lucky to have him with me through this. The rest of my family has been great too. Mom bought me jello and pudding to leave at her house in case I get hungry when I'm there and Dad has a huge box of Popsicles. Nervous....Can I do this??? Can keep from cheating??? I know I can, but I doubt myself. Sometimes I think I just made the wrong decision in thinking I am this strong. I feel like if I fail I let down so many people. Its hard, but I am doing my best. I haven't cheated although I think about it, I know that its healthier for me if I follow the rules, and this will also help optimize my weight loss in the end. Anxious...What will the scale say next time...will I lose? Will I feel better? Will I be able to follow this healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life? I know the answers are YES, but I just want to see it on paper :)

So much going through my mind and everything right now. I am happy but at the same time I want to cry. Its a mix of emotions, but I am doing OK....

Drum roll please.....

OK I am sorry this is so late....

I went to the surgeon today and he said I am doing great!! As for the scale... I am so excited! Since the surgery (11 days ago) I have lost 23 pounds!!! For a fat girl, 23 pounds is so exciting! I feel great too! I don't really see or feel a difference yet, but everyone wanted pics, so here they are. The ones on the left are the day before surgery, and the right is today. Just happen to be wearing the same outfit :) lol...

The surgeon said that the incisions and everything look good, and he said I am doing better than most. I also talk to the nutritionist every visit and she said I could move up to pureed foods!! I know to most people this doesn't sound great, but to me I am so excited!! I can now have cottage cheese, cream cheese, pureed protein (terrified), bananas, vegetables, and anything I can puree. She told me I can eat some things as is like a banana (mushed), scrambled egg, apple sauce, refried beans, cottage cheese and so on! At least I get some texture! Tonight for dinner I tried a scrambled egg, and about 20 minutes later I was leaning over the sink splashing cold water on my face thinking I was going to puke, but I didn't thank god. Feeling better now, and will continue to try and progress through this. So for now pureed food it is, I can not have starches yet, but that time will come. I am just excited to start this phase and I have to do this for 2 weeks then on to normal food!!! What I can eat is finally getting back to normal finally, and this is a start to my new, healthier life :)

Getting better...

Hola! Well..its been a few days so I wanted to give a update on how I was doing. Everything is getting better each day. I am eating very little, and not feeling hungry much. This is way better then how it was before. I have not weighted myself yet, I am waiting for my post-op visit on Aug 13th (at this time I will post the weight loss amount and everything :). My family says that they can see a difference in my weight, but of course I see nothing yet. I figured if I weigh myself daily or something, then it will not seem like such progress as if I waited a week or two. My stomach I hope is healing well, it still hurts at times, but is getting better. Most of my incisions are looking good, one is a little sore and red so I am keeping a close eye on it. I'm sure it will be fine. This is short and sweet, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing good and things are getting better.... :)!

Post op Day 4...

So I think I have figured out the way this works. Day 2 you feel better and think everything is going good, then day 3 comes and OMG I was miserable!!! Day 3 have been by far the worst so far. I started on my full liquid diet and had my 2 ounces of soup and 1 ounce of pudding. I was way excited to be able to eat these..its been a while since I had actual substance in my tummy. Shortly after eating this small, small amount, I realize that my tummy is still not healed. I didn't think about that before because I wasn't putting anything in it. Man this was way uncomfortable, but its part of the process. I was managing the pain OK, still walking, and everything. The surgeon came in and told me I looked amazing and was doing great. It was a plus to hear that from him because I wasn't feeling so positive at the time. He said I was cleared to go home and he would see me in a few weeks at my post-op appointment. I was thrilled to be able to go home and sleep in my bed and see my Roxy girl! We left the hospital and I slept the whole way home. We got home and I was feeling very sore, so I slowly went up stairs and laid down in my own bed. Gosh how I love my bed! :) We all 3 (Dan, Roxy and I) napped for about a hour then off to the grocery store with mom to get the new diet stuff. Creamed soups, cream of wheat, sugar free pudding, and yogurt! Oh so yummy in the small tummy! After the grocery store we went to Dads to watch the White Sox game. This was my first tough encounter so far. Shortly after we got there the ordered pizza and wings. My fav foods of all times lol. I measured my 2 ounces of yogurt and sat and eat it while they all ate pizza. I was proud of myself. I can do this! Then home and I think I took the longest shower of my life. The hot water just felt so good. Then I carefully got into bed and Dan tickled my arm (which I love) and I fell asleep!! I slept for 12 hours!!! I must have needed it after all that time with no sleep in the hospital. Today I woke up and made myself 2 ounces of cream of wheat, which was my first time ever eating this. Wasn't too bad. Now it has been about 3 hours and I am feeling a little hungry, but could also be bored. I'm tyring to figure out what my body is telling me. Its hard, but I do feel better today and I think I will continue to get better and hopefully no more days like day 3! Rest and relaxation is on my agenda for the next week or so...I can't wait!

Post Op Day 2 (continued)...

Post Op Day 2....

Today was a pretty good day surprisingly. Pain seemed to be managed pretty well. I got to get up bright and early for a Upper GI! OH SO FUN...NOT! It was the first thing I have had to drink since surgery. It was incredibly gross! Thank goodness I only had to drink a few sips, then the test was over! This test was done to show if I had a leak or not where the stomach was stapled and sewn back together. Thank goodness everything went well. With this good news I am now able to have clear liquids again! I got a tray that consisted of chicken broth, sugar free Italian shaved ice, bottle of water, and decaf tea. DELISH! :) These are the dishes I am oh so used to now a days. As Deanna and I sit there with this tray in front me of I am extremely confused!! I know that my stomach can only hold 2-3 ounces at a time and I have all this food. Then the CNA comes in with about 20 medicine cups...lol we just about died laughing. She then explained that I am to have 6 little cups a hour for a total of 6 oz per hour of fluid. So I pour in my little ounce and say Cheers to sister and I start sipping away. A while later the nutritionist, Donna, comes and and explains that I need to sip all day to prevent dehydration. OMG this a lot of fluid for my new little tummy. I am so scared to get sick...I think that would be so painful and I didn't want to find out. However at the same time I do not want to get dehydrated. I just tell myself to sip slowly and regularly, and I will and can do this. So by this time it is the evening and still no visit from Dr. Schuster (surgeon). Mom and Deanna were here with me and it was nice to visit and watch them eat :) I love family time, and I am glad that Dan got to go home and rest most of the day. Finally at like 7:30pm Dr. Schuster comes in and says I look awesome and the plan is to still send me home tomorrow. He kindly answered all questions I had and I am 100% confident this was the best thing I could have ever done for myself...Tonight calls for relaxation and hopefully sleep. Hopefully tomorrow in my own bed will be great. Oh and of course I continue to walk, walk, walk. YAY ME!!!

Post op Day 2

Morning of surgery:

3:45 am is way too early to be setting an alarm! Of course I didn't get much sleep, but I was up and ready. Mom warned us not to be late and she would be there at 4:45am to leave. So Dan and I planned ahead and were standing on the curb at 4:40am!! We wanted to impress her...then 4:45 rolled around and we are still standing there...4:46am...4:49am...4:53am!! She was the late one!!! Then to QT we went so everyone could have a drink, except me of course. Finally we were on the road to Banner Gateway Medical Center in Gilbert, AZ. Ok, so I was thinking howmany people could there be at patient registration at 5:30 am??? TONS! We wated like 45 minutes just to get checked in. Then back to my cubicle of a room where I met my Pre-op RN Candy. Shortly after this I met with my surgeon and anesthesiologist. I was set and ready to go! Game Dan and mom hugs and kissed and off I went!

After surgery:

Everything went well according to the Dr. I obviously don't remember much about it, but I can feel it thats for sure! He did however tell Dan and my mom that I did good with the pre-op diet and completly cleaned out so they could see everything they needed to see. All I remember was coming up to my room and Dan and mom were here along with Dad and Deanna. I was HOT HOT HOT! Nothing could cool me down. I had a washcloth on my head and bags of ice on my feet, then one of the bags on my feet came open and my bed was soaked. After I was in my room for 4 hours I needed to start walking. Wow this was way more difficult than I thought it would be. When standing I was dizzy, light headed and sick to my stomach. How in the world was I going to walk??? But I sucked it up, and off Dan and I went down the hall. The first time I made it to the end of the hall and I was spent. All I could have was oral swabs with a little water on it. I have never been as thirsty as when someone says you cant have anything. I continued to walk and get my pain medicine every 3 hours, which was only working for 2 hours (so the last hour is no beuno, but I try and nap at that time). That was pretty much all that happend. Walk...oral swab...pain meds...sleep! Oh so very exciting!

Pre Pics!!

ME ME ME!! This is ME! The night before surgery! I will post pics regularly to compare my new look :) Now off to bed...

Tomorrow....ahhh!!

Tomorrow is the big day...I am getting more and more nervous, yet still excited. I start questioning why I would want to go through this...I must be insane (although I did pass the psych eval) . I am sitting here thinking about ALL the food I will never again eat...thats a scary thought. Food is like a best friend I guess, everything is starting to hit me as to how serious this is. Am I strong enough to do this? YES I am! I know I am and I will be successful. I am doing this for me! For once I am focused on me and I deserve it. Hopefully this will dramatically help my kidney disease and better my life in the long run. The plan is to lose the weight and start to taper off the meds one by one until they are gone. Then my kidneys will work perfectly, I will be healthier, and Dan and I could start a family that we have been wanting so long for! God had worked in tremendous ways by letting this all happen to us so quickly.

As I have less than 24 hours I am thinking how much stuff I need for this new life...
1st: Clean all the junk out of the cabnets/fridge at home...trash can here we come!
2nd: Buy healthier food that is good for me and Dan...My new food motto came from my surgeon...If it didnt live or grow on this Earth, then do not eat it!
3rd: Get a food scale...portion size is key to success
4th: Timer to remind myself to eat (never had to do this before) LOL
5th: Stay positive!

I am having a lot of emotions at the moment. Scared...excited...nervous...worried...stressed...happy...an so many more! Its hard to explain how I am feeling, but all I know is tomorrow everything will be better once I am out of surgery and starting to recover. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I am lucky to have such amazing family and friends to support me through this. I love you ALL! XOXO

In and Out about my Surgery!!!

OK, I know a lot of people know that I am having bariatric surgery but not exactly sure what that entails...Here is all the details of my life at the moment

The Surgery:

I will be having gastric sleeve (aka vertical sleeve gastrectomoy) done. This is the "newbie" on the block when it comes to gastric surgeries, but I have dont my research and I beleive this is best for me at this time. The sleeve is permanent procedure that will remove 80% of my stomach! I attached a picture that makes it a little easier to understand. This will all be done laproscopically, and will promote weight loss by limiting food intake (2-3 oz meals) and lessening the sensation of hunger. With this surgery there is no rerouting of the intestines, and no malabsorption like there can be with the gastric bypass. I am very confident in my surgeon, Dr. Schuster, and the team that I have supporting me at Banner Gateway Medical Center and all the love and support I have at home.

Pre-op Diet:

The per-op diet is some seriously hard stuff!!! I have been on this diet for 2 weeks and it feels like a lifetime. The diet consists of 4 protein drink (80-100mg pf protein/day) and clear liquids only! No sugar..no carbs...low calories. I am so loving the scale at the moment, becasue I am down just about 41 pounds so far just from the diet alone. I know most of this is my water weight, but hey weight it weight...right?!!?!? :) I am currently sick of jello, popsicles and chicken broth!! However, I was lucky to have found a protein drink that is bareable. I first tried the powder protein and OMG that was the worst things ever. I was lucky and found a premixed, called ISOPURE, and it comes in several flavors and I have been able to get and keep those down. Can not wait to be done with these...

Whats to come:

Surgery is Monday, August 2, 2010. I have to be to the hospital at 5:30am, and surgery is scheduled at 7:30 (so much for sleep that night!). I am being positive and hoping all goes well during surgery. Four hours after surgery, I will walk, walk, walk for the rest of my stay. I will stay at the hospital for 2 nights, and then home to heal and start my new and healthy life!

I will be taking pictures prior to surgery and posting pictures monthly to let everyone see my progress :) Im excited to start this new chapter in my life!

TESTING....1...2...3...

OK, not really sure what I am doing yet, but I am trying :) I want this to link to facebook so people can easily access it anytime they want. Hope it works!