I am full of mixed emotions right now...The last month of my life has been exciting and defiantly a learning process. I just wanted to write down some thoughts...
Excited...I have lost weight! That's the whole point of this. From the pre-op diet (started July 18th) I have lost a total of 59 pounds. That is a ton and I am excited about that! Hopefully this continues and the number keeps going down. Disappointed...I don't see a difference in my weight. I know other people tell me they see a difference, but I don't. Some say my face, neck and shoulders look thinner, but I just don't see that. I want my clothes to be too big and shop for new smaller sizes. This is frustrating, but I know I just need to be patient and this will all come with time (hopefully). Its only been 2 weeks since surgery, but I see the weight go down I want the sizes to go down too. Bored...So I have realized how much I ate just because I was bored. At work this is miserable. I just want to grab some chips or something and eat it. Anything just to fill the boredom. This is why I got this way. I don't think I ever would have realized that I was "one of those" people who just ate to pass time. Loved and Supported...All I have to say is that Dan has been the most supportive husband ever! Along with all the support from my family and friends, I know I will not fail (but the thought is still there in my mind). Dan supports me 150% and then some. If I drink water so does he, if I eat a Popsicle so does he. There is a lot he could do that would make it harder on me, but he is so supportive. I am lucky to have him with me through this. The rest of my family has been great too. Mom bought me jello and pudding to leave at her house in case I get hungry when I'm there and Dad has a huge box of Popsicles. Nervous....Can I do this??? Can keep from cheating??? I know I can, but I doubt myself. Sometimes I think I just made the wrong decision in thinking I am this strong. I feel like if I fail I let down so many people. Its hard, but I am doing my best. I haven't cheated although I think about it, I know that its healthier for me if I follow the rules, and this will also help optimize my weight loss in the end. Anxious...What will the scale say next time...will I lose? Will I feel better? Will I be able to follow this healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life? I know the answers are YES, but I just want to see it on paper :)
So much going through my mind and everything right now. I am happy but at the same time I want to cry. Its a mix of emotions, but I am doing OK....
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Bum ~ you can do this. Of course you will have emotional days (we all do), however, you may have more emotional days than others. You had major surgery and lots of changes. You have soooo much to gain (and lose) from this journey. We are all very supportive of you and will help any way we can. (P.S. I want grandbabies in a few years! That should be incentive enough!!)
ReplyDeleteKimberly Ann, I am soooo proud of you! I love that you are so open and vulnerable in your post! I love that you are coming to some realization so soon (eating out of boredom etc.). You have every right to be emotional. You are going through a transformation both inside and out, from inside your head all the way down to your toes! Just expect some emotional mood swings and take them in stride. Your family loves you and supports you always!!
ReplyDelete